Have Faith

Posted by: Wendy Shalit
Topic:  Inter-faith dating – when does it work? When doesn’t it?

As it happens, I actually covered this topic already when I took a question from a reader a few months ago, and also touched on it again in my answer about interracial dating.  Haven't changed my mind a whole lot since I wrote those blogs.

Which brings to mind a question a fifty-year-old man once asked me, angrily, after hearing a talk of mine:  "Do you think that when you're older, that you'll change your mind?"

It was certainly a hard question to answer.  "Well, if I thought I was wrong and on the verge of changing my mind, I suppose I would just change my mind now and not wait til I got older," was what I believe I said.  Then after I answered his question it dawned on me that he wanted me to change my mind when I got older. 

Truth to tell, I actually like changing my mind.  What's the point of life if you're always clinging tenaciously to the same position, day after day, without caring about whether or not it's true?  If I'm wrong about something, then I definitely want to know it. 

In terms of elaborating on what I already wrote on interfaith dating, I'd simply add that the ability to develop and learn is crucial in any relationship, but especially, I think, in an interfaith one.  Could you go on a journey together and explore the truth of another's religious faith?  Or is that something you find threatening? And do you know why you believe what you believe?

Very often interfaith dating is not actually interfaith, but more accurately, dating between two people who do not believe in the religion they were born into.  If they've examined their own religion and rejected it, then that is one thing; but if they've never examined it in the first place, I think it's worth doing so in a systematic way before marrying someone of another faith. 

Comments

[Greg S]

Nice answer. I agree, flexibility and the ability to change your mind and see others' perspectives is always a good thing... no matter how old or young you are.

"A fanatic is one who can't change his mind and won't change the subject" -Winston Churchill

[warren]

Anyone who is serious about keeping their religion, and passing it on to their children, should not marry someone of a different religion.

And flexibility is a reasonable trait, but not a standalone virtue.

Warren

[Ria Rodriguez]

If one party doesnt have a clue about the religion he or she belongs to, would we even call it interfaith? Coz I tend to think that in this case, the children then will definitely worship at the religion of the stronger parent. Unless ofcourse the other one opposes this. And such oppositions are the kind of things people in interfaith relationships should try to tackle before walking down that aisle.