My Imaginary Friend Can Beat Up Your Imaginary Friend

Posted by: Dan Savage
Topic: Inter-faith dating--when does it work? When doesn’t it?

Inter-faith dating only works when both halves of a couple wear their faiths lightly, like flouncy summer dresses, and not tightly, like a pair of canvas straightjackets.

And... uh... that's really all I have to say about this topic.

Because when it comes to religion, that most sensitive of subjects, I happen to agree with Christopher Hitchens, that most insensitive of writers: religion pretty much poisons everything. I've personally seen religion poison a number of relationships. One half of a previously content couple suddenly "gets," or comes down with, a bad case of religion. Pick a religion, any religion. It could be a born-again Christian experience or the sudden realization that conservative Islam is only true path or a mysterious pull toward the dubious charms of Mormonism or Scientology or the Flying Spaghetti Monster.

When one half of a couple suddenly gets passionate about religion, the other half—perfectly acceptable before the first half came down with a bad case of religion—is no longer viewed as a partner, but as a lost soul in need of saving, a heathen in need of conversion, someone who isn't going to heaven or paradise with you. Seeing as how many—that's "many," not "all"—religious people regard the irreligiousness of complete strangers as personal affront, is it any wonder that a mate's irreligiousness or a lack of religious fervor can destroy a relationship?

So inter-faith dating... I'm all for it. So long as we're talking a mild case of "faith," and not a fatal one.

Comments

[dailien greer]

It seems like Dan will soon be the only poster to this multivoiced blog now that the Christian youth minister and the "He's not that into you" couple are gone. Not that I mind; Dan is a great writer and an insightful thinker with realistic and sane advice on relationships.

In the interest of balance, this might be a good time to pull in some fresh writers/thinkers to dynamize the dialog here again. Otherwise, let's merge this blog with Savage Love. :-)

[adil]

u look so good i love u v much ur voice the voice of my heart my dear..........

[adil]

allright

[pinnacle security]

Hello, i am new here. Its nice to read some post about this nowadays. Its meaningful and somehow sharing this to readers like me, makes me want to surf the web to be able to get more wonderful ideas.Thank you for posting this. Thank you

[James]

Let's not forget that a marriage takes two people. No matter what the new or renewed belief may be that the one spouse has, they have grief of their own now that things have changed for them. I can imagine that it is difficult for both of them in different ways.