Secrets are a burden.

Secrets. When someone keeps a secret from me, and I later discover it, I feel betrayed. Secrets rupture my feelings of the intimacy with a partner, even with a friend. I can certainly understand why people want to keep secrets from a beloved. Indeed, at times we keep secrets in order to stabilize a relationship, to support a relationship, to keep the partner from worrying, or for other appealing reasons. But secrets are secrets. They exclude. They are a burden to lug around. And they often require increasing deception. Like a pebble tossed into a pool, secrets expand their impact on all involved. And eventually they explode upon the scene and create chaos. So although I have certainly kept important secrets from a partner, and had a partner keep important secrets from me, I don’t think this is a mature or practical way to conduct a loving partnership. But is it “ok” for someone to keep a big secret from a partner? Well, as you know, I am not in the “should” business. Each of us must conduct our primary relationships as we see fit. To me, secrets are a cancer. To others, they may bring peace.