Posted by: Evan Marc Katz
Topic: Response to Aly Walansky
Stop being desperate, maybe.
Stop being needy, definitely.
Stop being bitter, absolutely.
But stop trying so hard?
I've got great respect for you, Aly, but it seems that your advice is specific to your friend. It's not that she's trying too hard. It's that she's a sad, jaded person whose air of negativity consumes her and repels men.
So you can blame it on the fact that she's "pressing". But the solution to your friend is not to stop trying. It's to lighten up. Find happiness elsewhere. Build her self esteem. Be ready for a relationship. And THEN try, try, try to meet a likeminded single man.
Truly, Aly, I didn't mean to call you out. The only reason I'm weighing in is because of the fairy tale perspectives that so many of us have.
"It happens when you least expect it", "It should happen naturally", "It's all about instant chemistry".
No, no, no! It CAN happen when you least expect it. It's NICE when it happens naturally. And instant chemistry CAN be thoroughly intoxicating. But that doesn't mean it's the ONLY way for it to happen. Ask anyone who's ever dated online (unnatural), thru a matchmaker (unnatural), gave someone a second date when the first one wasn't magic (not instant chemistry), or spent five years on the prowl until Mr. Right came along (very much on the hunt).
I said it in Why You're Still Single, and I'll say it again now: things don't just happen. We make them happen. Give your love life the attention you give your work life and watch things start to bloom.