Speeding through the first step?

Topic: Speed-dating: A little like entering the great wild?
Posted by: Aly Walansky

A friend and I (actually the friend I wrote about last week), decided to try our luck at the mystical world that is speed-dating last night.

If any of you are unfamiliar (and missed the Sex and the City episode devoted to it), you take turns telling the person across the table all the meaningful details about yourself, hoping that (if they are not too terribly strange) you might click enough to want to have a full date. You’ve got 3 minutes. Then a gong shrills, and your next date appears. Repeat. 40 times. If you are lucky, you may get a pee break.

We are talking serious marathon dating.

In the SATC plot, Miranda didn’t do well at all. Many people don’t - and then you ask yourself, do you really want to put yourself through 40 bad dates in one evening? Isn’t ONE enough?

As anyone who’s ever been single knows … when it rains it pours. Raining men, that is! We’ve all been there, suffering through a long dry spell - and then all at once, the heavens open up and send us a downpour of bow-wrapped manhood! You meet several hot dating prospects within a couple of weeks and have to juggle a bunch of guys at once. That is exactly what the scene is at speed dating, except it’s all blind dates, and you are obligated to be nice (for 3 minutes), before moving on.

Depending on the locale (I ended up at a downtown lounge complete with video arcades, stiff drinks and free Cosi on premesis), participants take their seats on sofas or long narrow bar tables. When the gong blows, your first 3-minute date has begun. The gong will blow every three minutes and the men get up and move to the next date. If you like the guy you’re talking to, you write his name on your score card and circle ‘Yes’. If you don’t want to see him again, you circle ‘No’. When the event is over, you enter in your own responses on the website. Everyone’s Yes’s and No’s are calculated, and if you “match” with a guy – meaning you said yes to him and he said yes to you, you receive each other’s email addresses. The next step is up to you! Very often the event will be centered around certain age groups or fields (say, creative people).

Sounds great, in theory - but all just a little intense for the average shy single. And so, the next day, it all seems a little like a whirlwind - friends attending together, one disappointed because the other got more matches than she did, and the girl who got lots of matches feeling somewhat confused...honestly not able to at this point pinpoint one guy against the other in her memory's annals.

So, I was wondering, what all of you thought of this dating "method". Is there a way to best make it work for you?

Comments

[Jess]

I just wanted to take the opportunity to leave some feedback regarding a speed-dating event which I recently attended in downtown Manhattan. Prior to this event, I was a speed-dating virgin. And while I had a great time at the event, I think I would have better results finding a more lively companion by dredging the bottom of the East River–although there was one blonde bombshell who stood out from all the rest who made my heart flutter.

The numerous amount of girls which I met with, coupled with the ridiculously short amount of time allotted for each conversation, left me in a daze by the end of the night. While I checked off a few favorable candidates that I was interested in meeting again, when I got home to enter my selections, I realized that I could not distinguish who was who based on names alone. I am a very visual person, and if I were able to see pictures of the 40+ girls with whom I met, I would be able to vividly remember each conversation (the good, the bad and the ugly) with each girl.

In retrospect, I wish I had taken more detailed notes, but there really wasn’t much time or room on the note-taking paper that they supply you with to do so. Additionally, I found it difficult and/or rude to write down comments during the conversations and opted to make eye contact instead.

While I did receive a few mutual matches from the event, I really can’t remember much–if anything–about them and I feel bad writing to them without recollection of which person I am writing to. I would feel terrible outwardly admitting that I can’t remember who they were and sleazy asking for a photograph to jog my memory.

Some pros of the event were that the staff members running the program were extremely welcoming and helpful, the bartenders were attentive and friendly, the drinks were cheap, and the dimly-lit, lounge atmosphere was quite conducive for such an event.

Con: The unexpected tone-deaf Karaoke at the end of the night, which I believe was just a clever ploy to get the few remaining patrons to filter out onto the cold Tribeca streets.

All in all, I had a fun time but would not recommend such a populated event if one decides to take the speed-dating plunge. I would instead suggest an event which caters to 15-20 singles, allowing more time for “obligated niceness.”

[Jen Love]

I have never done the speed dating thing but was always interested in trying it once. They always have them online but I think i would be mad if I found a guy i wanted to talk to more and bam my 3 minutes was up....
I will stick to the online stuff, less heartbreak for me...

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[Tim]

Hey there- I attempted speed dating. The only thing possible to get from it is if you have an initial physical attraction to someone. Then its up to you to see what is behind it.

[Jay]

Not exactly sure how this speed dating thing can work. It just doesn't seem to make any sense.

People need to build up their confidence and just be theirselves and just meet people in their everyday life even if its just saying "hi" to someone standing at the bus stop.

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[Liza James]

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[Rachel Bisette]

I've tried speed dating and I can totally relate. Every boyfriend I ever had cheated on me/dumped me until I discovered an amazing book called Catch Him and Keep Him that helped me finally understand how attraction works and what men really want. There's an excellent review about it here: http://www.insideaguysmind.com Hope you find it helpful! - Rachel Bisette

[Rachel Bisette]

I've tried speed dating and I can totally relate. Every boyfriend I ever had cheated on me/dumped me until I discovered an amazing book called Catch Him and Keep Him that helped me finally understand how attraction works and what men really want. There's an excellent review about it here:

http://www.insideaguysmind.com

Hope you find it helpful!
- Rachel Bisette

[NancyP]

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[Buzzguy223]

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[F0xy]

Thanks for this blog, i really enjoyed reading it and it helped me loads.

[Michelle]

I have always been actually quite anti to Speed-dating...it might work for dudes and studs but not for a common man -
I like the old times of meeting someone and then going on a date and then knowing him better and then finally committing myself...but these times are so different - when we dont have much time - but at the same time it has become so easy to meet a person...have yo heard of a service called Bluepont? It is supposed to be a cool mobile application which lets you meet a person just clicking button on a mobile phone! then we have sites Match.com - just go and make a profile and Boom!

I would prefer these methods over Speed-dating anyday!

[K Amber]

Speed dating seems dangerous and exciting. Well it could be fun. I have great desire to try it out and see what happens

K Amber

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[Miami Life & Dating Coach]

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[anil]

hi this is anil.ilike the old times of meeting someone and then going on a date and then knowing him better and then finally committing myself...but these times are so different - when we dont have much time - but at the same time it has become so easy to meet a person...have yo heard of a service called Bluepont? It is supposed to be a cool mobile application which lets you meet a person just clicking button on a mobile phone! then we have sites Match.com - just go and make a profile and Boom

anil.

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[Draugai]

That speed dating seems to be a fun stuff, I have to try it :D

[Draugai]

That speed dating seems to be a fun stuff, I have to try it :D

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[Joseph]

Speed dating is something that works for many people short term, but it doesn't seem to produce long term relationships in many cases.

I can across a very interesting article about how women in the western world are becoming more masculine in nature, and men are becoming like a sissy. Could this have anything to do with the current dating trend?

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[CasualEncountersBlog]

I think the problem with speed dating is that you don't have a hope of getting to know the person well enough to make an informed decision about a future relationship.

Personally I think you've either got to go all-in, Ultimate Intensity and Here Is My Heart or trawl the Internet's road stops and forgotten byways looking for anonymous sexual encounters with like-minded strangers.

I'm saying make a choice. Half-measures are for the spineless and beaten. The sexual future you deserve requires a committed exercise of your Will.

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