It's Not What You Say, It's What You DO.

What advice would you give a friend who is looking to find love in 2008?
Posted by: Evan Marc Katz

Hmm…let’s see…

What advice would I give to a friend who is looking to lose weight in 2008?

• Sign up for a gym.
• Go at least three times a week for an hour at a time.
• Hire a personal trainer to keep you motivated and focused.
• Read a few diet books and figure out which one speaks to you most.
• Incorporate ALL of that book’s suggestions into your life, which probably means fewer carbs, sugars and fats, more vegetables, smaller portions, no late night eating, and vigilant awareness of what you’re putting into your body.
• Have a healthier approach to living and accept that you’re doing the best you can.

Now presuming you did ALL of these things, what would you expect the results to be?

Well, you couldn’t guarantee that you’d qualify for America’s Next Top Model, but it would stand to reason that you'd lose weight. And, depending upon how seriously you adhered to the diet/workout regimen, perhaps you'd lose a LOT of weight.

This is what I advocate for people who are looking for a new lease on love. Not weight loss. Effort. Don’t just talk about it. LIVE IT. Carve out time and energy. Invest money in it. If you say that a relationship is your top priority, start acting like it. Most of us want it to happen, but we don’t really do anything to MAKE it happen. We somehow think that love should happen organically, like a cute, scripted Hollywood romantic comedy. And hey, it’s not that it can’t happen that way; it’s that it rarely happens that way, simply because of how our lives are constructed. We work 10 hours a day, our friends are married, we’re over the bar scene, we find blind dates creepy, we rail against online dating… and then we complain that we’re not meeting anyone good. No wonder we’re still single!

My entire job as a dating coach is to be a personal trainer for people who want to fall in love. My clients get on a healthy dating regimen and actively incorporate dating into their busy lives. That might mean getting professional photos, rewriting your online profile, working on flirting and dating, or simply discussing the confusing nuances of dating and relationships.

So what does this mean for you? Certainly not that you should hire me as your dating coach. But, for your own sake, do SOMETHING. Go to the gym and get in shape. Join a MeetUp group that puts you in contact with other single people. Sign up for Chemistry.com. Contact a matchmaker.

But no matter what, make sure your actions are aligned with your goals. Because if you say you want to get married and aren’t doing a single thing to try to get married, you’re no different than every overweight person who refuses to diet and work out. 

This is hard to hear because it means taking responsibility, even when you feel the only reason you’re still single is that you “just haven’t met the right person”.

I’m in no position to argue, but I would ask you this: what are you doing TO meet the right person?

Comments

[Jane]

I couldn't agree more and I'm joining a gym today!