Couple Fights: What’s the one bit of advice you’d like to share about making them productive, not destructive?
Posted by: Evan Marc Katz

As far as I know, Dale Carnegie said it first. I’m sure hundreds of other self-help gurus have reappropriated it as well. Maybe I’ll pretend I never heard it before and pass it off as my own idea. But, according to every expert I’ve ever read, the one surefire way to guarantee a conflict is by insisting that you’re right and that your partner is wrong.

Fact: NOBODY wants to be wrong. Wrong is invalidating, emasculating, and embarrassing. And anyone who tells you that you’re wrong has already lost you as an audience. Which means there’s no room for listening or peaceful negotiation. Wrong can ONLY mean a screaming match.

This is why experts often try to reframe relationship debates in terms of how someone feels. It’s not, “You were wrong for talking to that cute guy for an hour at the party,” but rather, “I felt kind of bad when I was looking to chat, and you waved me away because you were engaged in conversation with some other guy.” Same basic premise, very different delivery.

This doesn’t mean that there isn’t some empirical right and wrong. Obviously if you skinned her cat, you’re wrong, and if she cheated on you, she’s wrong. But most arguments aren’t this black and white. So assuming you’re looking to get past the argument, rather than breaking up, consider these three steps:

• Listen to your partner’s side.
• Acknowledge your partner’s experience or opinion as valid, even if you disagree with it.
• Talk about how your partner’s opinion makes you feel bad in some way. If your partner truly loves you, he/she doesn’t want to make you feel bad.

Remember, a good arguer gains the sympathy of her partner. And as long as you’re insisting that your partner is flat-out wrong, it’ll be next to impossible to get him to take your side.

Comments

[Lisa Delgado]

Cheating Women. Why Do They Do It?

Why do some women cheat? Can you stop cheating women? More women are choosing to cheat on their partners than ever before. This

article will list the main reasons why some women cheat.

1. Revenge. Although you didn't sleep with someone else, you may as well have. You have broken her trust in some other way.

Cheating women often sleep with someone else to pay you back for that dodgy investment or the lie she caught you out on. Apologize

profusely and hopefully she will forgive you instead of joining the cheating women society.

2. Feeling unappreciated. Do you treat your wife or girlfriend like an unpaid nanny? Do you ever thank her for all those boring chores

she does in and out of the house? What is she doing while you are playing golf? Housework? Minding the children? Seeing someone

else? Cheating women often do so because they feel totally neglected at home. Show her you do appreciate her. Say thank you. Notice

what has been done. Give her some help. Cheating women are looking for some appreciation and thanks.

3. The honeymoon is over. Another motivator for cheating women is that they are not getting enough sex at home. Once that sexual

glow has gone and the sex becomes less frequent, cheating women look for it elsewhere. Try and put some time aside for sex. Go to

bed early instead o f falling asleep in front of the TV could be all you need to do.

4. Boring sex. Cheating women often say that it is the excitement of the affair that is the big attraction. Sex at home has become

boring and routine. Try and put a spark back into your sex life so that your partner need not leave home to find sexual adventure.

Cheating women love the thrill of the illicit affair.

5. Low self esteem. Having someone pay attention to you can really boost your ego. Cheating women are often looking for the flattery

they are not getting at home. Pay your partner some attention, flatter her, and prevent her from becoming a cheating woman.

6. No intimacy. All women need to feel close to their loved ones. Cheating women have given up on getting it from their partners and

are looking elsewhere. Hugs, kisses, massages, all will make her feel closer to you.

7. No emotional input. Women need you to talk about your emotions. You may think it is worse than going to the dentist. Cheating

women are looking for the emotional feed back they are not getting at home. Cheating women can be prevented just by expressing

your emotions.

8. You cheated first. Cheating women are often paying back their husband for his sexual infidelity. Sexual revenge is a huge motivator

for cheating women. This kind of tit for tat is only going to hurt you both.

9. Sayonara. Some cheating women have already mentally left the relationship and are looking for the replacement. Emotionally, this

cheating woman has already left you. She probably isn't planning on staying.

With some attention and flattery your partner need not join the lengthening list of cheating women.

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