Topic: What advice would you give a friend looking to find love in 2008?
Posted by: Margo Z
Both sexes:
Believe in abundance, not scarcity -- and remember that fear restricts. That old adage of "There's more than one fishie in the sea" is another of those clichés that exists for a reason. If something isn't working despite your best efforts, it's best to cut bait quickly in humane fashion rather than try to force something that ain't happenin'. Believing that "this is the
best I'm going to find" or "better the devil you know than the devil
you don't" creates more long-term misery than breaking things off and being alone for a spell ever could.
Always keep more than one line in the water. Saying, "Okay, I've got my profile up" and waiting breathlessly for The One to find you out of countless thousands is a start, but it isn't enough. Look for potential mates in the wild as well. Speed date, join clubs, take up a new sport, volunteer somewhere, all with your "target audience" in mind. If your ideal mate is a brainiac, see if you can qualify for Mensa. If s/he is athletic, go skiing or marathoning or sea kayaking or WHATEVER. Just get out there and go! In addition to increasing your pool of candidates, it will keep you from hovering obsessively over your in-box to see if anyone sent you a "wink."
Accept that desperation has a smell; it acts as a repellent, not an attractant. Learn to recognize the signs of desperation in yourself and eradicate them. Broadcasting your insecurities before the six-month mark of an exclusive relationship is almost never going to get you the healthy relationship you're looking for. Only predators and freaks find eau de "I'm-Doomed-To-Be-Alone-Until-I-Die" appealing.
Women: If you're wise, you will obey the rules of nature, not the supposed rules of the New Millennium. Men are the hunters. It's hard-wired into them. That's the way it's been since the dawn of time, and the way it's going to stay within your lifetime. Don't take their jobs away from them, okay? Wait for that man you're interested in to call -- just don't do your waiting by the phone. See the above advice on getting out and staying busy and creating a well-rounded, fulfilling and interesting life for yourself. It's never "rude" or "cruel" to give a guy a bit of space and time to figure out that you're special; but it's counterproductive as hell to pursue him and get all anxious and pretzel brain twist about the hidden meaning of every bon mot that fell from his lips on your last date. Lighten up, already. Unless you're a labor union leader during a strike, applying pressure on your "opponent" is always the wrong strategy.
Men: No, she will NOT think you're a psychotic stalker-rapist-serial killer-loser with no life if you call her the very next night after a great date to ask her out for the next one. She will be pleased and flattered that you respect her time and busy schedule, and if she likes you back it will save her any unnecessary agonizing over "Why hasn't he called?" Those dumb "guy-rules" about having to wait X days to call or else you will appear uncool turn women off. They create barriers. They also make you seem totally run of the mill. Want to stand out from the pack? Show a healthy level of interest without smothering her. And for God's sake, don't text her on her cell to ask for dates. Talk about lame. Pick up the bloody phone and show her you're into hearing the sound of her voice. Text messaging is for amateurs and slackers. That's not you, right? Didn't think so.
Great inspirational stuff !
Posted by: Tim | April 18, 2008 at 02:42 PM
I would say be successful at being single first and watch as your love life just unfolds before you. The desparate searching does nothing but make you look desparate! People feel that and stay away! Create a fantastic life and look at a partner as an added value to your already brilliant life. When you meet someone, know why you choosing them cos if you don't then you might have been better off staying single.
Posted by: Steve Hedger | April 18, 2008 at 05:35 PM
I agree that people need to get out there and contact people. Online dating is good for shy people because it doesn't mean you have to be face to face. But it's just like in person dating in that you can't just sit back and wait. You double your chances of finding someone by looking and being looked at. There's some great advice about how to find people who are right for you on vdateonline.com. I'm always reading advice and I think it helps improve what I'm trying to do both online and offline :-)
Posted by: JennyB | September 02, 2008 at 10:20 AM
Hello,
Did you know there is a FREE little book available about finding true love? It is called “Instant Love Machine- Get the keys to mastering LOVE relationships in 60 minutes or less”. Really!
It is a wonderful little Ebook you can go through quickly and has some very surprising and easy to understand information. It is getting marvelous reviews and is free to download before it goes into print. You can even give feedback that might be incorporated in the final print version.
Check it out at http://www.instantlovemachine.com
Posted by: Clay | January 14, 2009 at 05:27 PM
Hello,
Did you know there is a FREE little book available about finding true love? It is called “Instant Love Machine- Get the keys to mastering LOVE relationships in 60 minutes or less”. Really!
It is a wonderful little Ebook you can go through quickly and has some very surprising and easy to understand information. It is getting marvelous reviews and is free to download before it goes into print. You can even give feedback that might be incorporated in the final print version.
Check it out at http://www.instantlovemachine.com
Posted by: Clay | January 14, 2009 at 05:27 PM
Bah, I love it when women come after me. To say that ALL MEN MUST do X Y and Z is ridiculous. Everybody's different. Don't be lazy ladies.
Posted by: alsdkfjdfdf | February 08, 2009 at 09:41 PM
Texting is a pretty good approach to soliciting sex from a prospective partner, I've found. It's far easier to punch out HOOKUP 12.30??? than to ring up and get into the whole blah-blah-how-was-your-day carry on.
That's one thing that's truthy about guys. We like to cut to the chase.
Posted by: CasualEncountersBlog | February 10, 2009 at 01:31 PM
Being uncool? definitely uncool.
Posted by: casualencounters.com/blog/ | August 17, 2009 at 04:14 PM
Manners are very important! Personality is mirrored by your manners. Whether you are a person of meager means or someone who owns half of a countryside estate, your manners and conduct will speak for your true self. Women always favor a gentleman over a man who is rude and arrogant.
Posted by: Dating Down Under | October 22, 2009 at 11:06 PM
Very good information and inspirational.
Posted by: Dating For Today's Man | October 31, 2009 at 10:55 PM
@alsdkfjdfdf (How do you pronounce that, my brave fellow?) Of course, you LIKE it when women come after you. It's flattering. Who doesn't like to be flattered? But it's not the natural order of things, and it seldom leads to lasting, well-balanced relationships. Methinks, just perhaps, you're the one who's lazy.
Posted by: Margo Z | November 01, 2009 at 08:30 AM
It can be a fine line when you talk about what is trying to hard. For some people, they want the other person to try hard and others don't.
Posted by: Andrew | November 09, 2009 at 08:25 AM