Topic: What advice would you give a friend who is looking to find love in 2008?
Posted by: Vix the Over-Educated Nympho
I come across so many people who have lost that spark of hope when it comes to finding love. Now I'm not one to throw around words like "spark" or "hope" but finding love is something that needs--well, words like "spark" and "hope." It's hard enough to find someone to love when you're trying, but if you have some sort of emotional barricade thrown up there you don't have a shot in hell.
Most of the time when someone has given up of ever falling in love, it's because she feels like the odds are against her. All the good ones are taken. Or gay. Or in therapy. Where to find a good person, let alone someone to fall in love with?
It's hard to keep the faith that someone special will come along when it seems everyone you meet is a douchebag, jerk, or an idiot. After too many unappetizing prospects the spark starts to die out, leaving hope nearly blind. It is at this point when many people fall victim to mediocre relationships because they find someone good enough, and good enough is better than nothing.
NO IT'S NOT. It might be a nice change, but there's a good chance it won't last. It's better to stick with nothing, otherwise you might miss someone remarkable while you're fighting with someone else.
Then there's the other reason someone gives up hope of finding love: she thinks she's not worth loving. Ironically these are the people who need love the most. Not finding it is taken as affirmation that one is unlovable, and it's a downward spiral from there.
I know someone who is a perfectly nice guy who wants to fall in love, get married, have kids, and live happily ever after. He's a great guy who won't get out of his own way, like Sherry said in her post. He is one of the most sour people I've ever come across. I'm forty and never had a long-term relationship. Why would anyone want to date a loser like me who's never had a girlfriend? I'm never going to find someone.
This kind of attitude is a self-fulfilling prophecy. The more bitter he gets about not meeting someone special, the less likely he is to meet someone special. I'm guessing he's met several wonderful women who were open to the idea of dating him until his sour mentality made itself known. In that case, these wonderful women probably thought why would I date someone who doesn't like himself. If he doesn't think he's worth dating, then why should I bother? It doesn't matter that he believes in love if he doesn't believe in himself in the first place.
I may not be religious or the kindest person out there, but I think belief is something worth clutching to. I know it's difficult, but it's at the worst times that belief is the most important. Those are the times that count.
Believe. Believe that you'll find someone to love, and know that when you do it's because you deserve it.