Posted by: Amy Spencer
Topic: Do you think you can really and truly “feel” chemistry via email?
In my earlier post about this topic, I very quickly said I didn't buy it, that it was a no-go. I'm re-thinking this. Here's why:
I told a friend of mine about this the other day, how I once had an intense email flirtation from a guy I had yet to meet.
"Over email," I explained, "I would get butterflies in my stomach when I saw he had emailed me; I would find myself smiling and blushing on my end of the keyboard; I'd get nervous before I wrote back; I would get a rush after I pressed send." Then I told her that when we met later, it was a big letdown. "It turned out there wasn't actually any chemistry there. I had just been fooled into thinking there was."
"But wait," she said, "Whether it lasts or not isn't the point. The point is that the butterflies, the rush, the blush, the nervousness, that's the chemistry.
She had a great point. Just because chemistry doesn't lead to a long-lasting love doesn't mean it wasn't there. I remember one guy I had a crush on in college from the day I first met him in person; he made me feel butterflies for years. When we finally went out after graduation, that rush of passion lasted until the end of our appetizers, when he started talking about how much money he made, and how smart he was, and how much he worked out, and how dumb his peers were compared to him, etc. Man, those twittering wings stopped dead in my stomach for good.
He was someone I felt chemistry with in person, yet when I got to know him more, those feelings fizzled. Really, isn't it just another version of what can happen when you find yourself attracted to someone by email? First, you feel some chemistry, and then sometimes the feelings fizzle.
So I think I feel differently now. Feeling chemistry doesn't mean it's a two-way street, or that it's going to last forever. Chemistry is the feeling itself, your body reacting to some sort of attraction to another person. And if you happen to feel it by connecting over email to a person's writing and the way their mind thinks? Well, maybe that counts, too.