Posted by: Vix the Over-Educated Nympho
Topic: Speaking from personal experience, what are the three best things about being single?
The best part of being single is that I get to do whatever I d*** well please. It is my space, my time, and my choice. It is a wonderful opportunity to be unapologetically self-focused, assuming it leads to personal growth.
I love being single. I have also loved being part of a couple. Each has its place according to what one is going through as well as where one is headed in life. The difficulty is in being able to distinguish what is right at that moment in time--and then being able to grow from it instead of hide in it.
While in grad school I was drowning in depression and trying to figure out what the hell I was doing with my life. I needed someone at my side to help pull me out of the mess in my head--an attitude which made it that much harder to see clearly.
A book I highly recommend is called What Should I Do With My Life? by Po Bronson. The passage below came to mind when I first started writing this post:
How many times do you really face a choice in life? How many times will you get the benefit of arriving at a crossroads, where you don't have to fight the tug of rolling inertia, and your choice isn't going to hurt someone you love?
Make them count. They will define you.
I read this particular passage while I was sitting at an Ivy League graduation ceremony for my cousin. She walked across the stage, my relatives cheered and took photos (I assume), and I completely missed it because this was what I had been waiting--needing--to hear for ages.
A year earlier I had finally admitted to myself that I wanted to be a writer, not another peon in Corporate America. This newfound focus corresponded directly with choosing to end a relationship. Since then I have been standing at a career cross-roads, preparing for the day when I will take that step in one direction over another.
Although I'm years away from being able to support myself with writing, this goal is worth sacrificing for. It fills my mind all day while I'm working for a paycheck, it has taken over half my bedroom (or half my apartment if you count all the books), and it is what keeps me up at three a.m. most nights when I know I have to wake up soon to go to work. It is no surprise that I'm single when I actively choose to spend the majority of my free time with a journal or a book, not a guy.
Do I ever get lonely? Duh, of course. Not to mention mighty frisky. But it's my life, and I'm living it on my terms.
My last relationship was with a wonderful guy, but he couldn't understand why I spent an hour writing every other night (my readers would smack me if I wrote so little now) and insisted on reading before going to sleep at night. You're ignoring me! Why can't you talk to me? Are you STILL writing?!
Yes babycakes, I'm still writing.
Many careers and lifestyle choices are difficult on a partner. Some are very difficult on a partner. They need attention, time, passion, dedication, isolation, and even turning a home into an office. No matter how understanding one's partner, it can be difficult to make those choices when it is effecting not only your space and time, but someone else's. If that is the case, where do you sacrifice? Is it worth bypassing one of those rare crossroads that could make you the person you want to be?
Some journeys in life are better made alone. They may be hard and lonely, but these journeys are rarely the ones leading to regret.