Posted by: Dr. Helen Fisher
Topic: What three things do you think are vital to an amazing relationship?
Wow, it certainly depends. Some people want a help-mate, someone who will build a family and share their moral code. Others want a soul-mate, someone with whom they can share their deepest needs and feelings. Others seek a mind-mate, someone with whom they can exchange ideas and fulfill their ambitions. And some want a play-mate, someone who will go adventuring with them, either intellectually or physically. And this is just the beginning. In early childhood we each begin to build a “love map,” a largely unconscious list of what we are looking for in a partner. And this template of one’s ‘ideal type’ varies dramatically from one person to the next.
But what three things do I feel are vital for myself? Well, foremost, someone who is wildly curious about many things and shares his information and ideas with me; someone who wants to ‘make love’ and share emotional intimacy with me regularly; and someone who is well adjusted and makes me laugh around the clock. …..but that’s just the beginning. I’m not very good with stubborn people, so I would like to add flexibility. Angry people, self important people, and dour people leave me cold. And I would like a man who knows how to dance. Well, I could go on and on. But that starts my wish list. I wonder what yours is? Which makes me think we should ask the members of Chemistry.com this question.
But I do know this: today most men and women are looking for a companion; “peer” marriages are in style. We are returning to a pattern of equality between the sexes that evolved on the grasslands millions of years ago, one that is natural and healthy for both women and men.