Topic: What three things do you think are vital to an amazing relationship?
Posted by: Amy Spencer
It's funny how hard it is to talk about love and feelings sometimes without sounding like a totally lame cliché. Because when my new husband and I end up talking about what makes us work, words like "respect" and "appreciation" and "trust" come up a lot. So does "great communication." And of course "love"—a word that encompasses so much it ends up getting USED too much, and starts reading about as important as the word "doorknob." But looking at those words doesn't add up to the amazing relationship I know we have. Here's my best attempt at what does:
2. An easiness
Fun! Granted, I'm a newlywed, but when I'm with my husband, we're usually having a great time. Maybe we're riding our bikes or playing paddle tennis (my new obsession!), which has made me a believer that "a couple who plays together stays together." Or maybe we're having a nice long talk or sharing funny stories on a long drive. Or maybe we're having fun making out or have sex or plotting a fun new way to. Really, I have so much fun with my husband, I can't imagine someone I'd rather spend my time with.
An easiness. Lindley talked about "being able to be yourself," and I agree wholeheartedly. The connection we have is EASY. I'm myself. He's himself. And to put it plainly, we get along really, really well. It's like our couple joints have ball bearings in them, so our day-to-day relationship runs effortlessly. I know, I know...relationships get hard eventually. But without that calmness before the storm, how the heck are you going to survive it?
Intimacy. I'm with Vix and Evan on this one. I think sex is vital to an amazing relationship. For proof, I just remind myself of my friendship with my gay friend Todd. He and I have fun, and we get along like peanut butter and chocolate. But we definitely don't have sex and never will. It's a great friendship, but it isn't and can never be an amazing relationship without the sex. Sex in a committed relationship is the one thing you save for the two of you alone—it's like your team uniform, the ONE thing that only the two of you have. And with great sex, over time, comes an intimacy, trust and deep, deep love.
When I was dating, some friends of mine used to say I was "too picky." The way I saw it, I was just holding out for for someone who would help me hit all three things on my list. And thank God I did. Whether it's my list or yours, amazing is SO worth waiting for.