Topic: Do you believe in love at first sight? Have you experienced it – and was it “the real thing” or lust?
Posted by: Margo Z
"Love at first sight." More like infatuation at first sight -- because how can you love someone you know nothing about other than they're your "type" on some superficial level? I've certainly felt the tingle of what felt like some sort of cosmic, instantaneous connection.
I've also learned from hard experience what it more than likely means: "WARNING, WILL ROBINSON! DANGER! DANGER!"
Chances are, when you meet someone you feel intensely drawn to, there is an element of déjà vu present. Something about this person feels familiar... known... safe... or maybe distinctly unsafe, but still titillating... therefore, you convince yourself, well worth taking the risk. And so you do, and then, surprise! S/he turns out to be just like all the other unsafe people you've ever dated and been hurt by.
The therapist jargon for this is a repetition compulsion. You have unfinished business of some sort buried way down deep where you can successfully ignore it most of the time, but when you meet someone who resonates with your baggage -- bingo! Instant feeling of connectedness. Eventual feeling of your heart hitting hard pavement and shattering to bits. You are "doomed" to keep playing out whatever bad scenario until you either master it, conquer it, or are damaged enough by it to stop, already.
I had two such specialties when I was dating: Alcoholics/adult children of alcoholics, and "bisexual" (yeah, right) men living on the down-low throughout their serial involvements with women. Put me in a room full of people, and my hidden radar could tell you instantly who the worst bets were. Until I smartened up, I mistook them for men I was wildly attracted to. Eventually, I learned that whenever I felt piqued by that chemical whiff of someone "known" to me -- the only intelligent option was to run like hell in the other direction.