Posted by: Margo Z
Topic: What is your absolute favorite thing about being happily in love, in a committed relationship?
The three opening topics for this new group of bloggers have all kinda been downers, don’tcha think? Especially for a site where single people gather to meet one another and, if luck is with them, fall in love and partner up with someone for keeps. I prefer hope and inspiration to negativity and red flags. Being out there in the mating trenches is hard enough without having all these “problem scenarios” to dissect and dwell upon.
I decided to post about something positive this week, instead of why couples split up after decades of marriage. In a burst of originality (har), I asked a bunch of my friends and acquaintances who are in, or have been in, or dream of being in, happy couplings the following question:
What is your absolute favorite thing about being happily in love, in a committed relationship?
Even with a 24-hour deadline, the answers poured in fast and furious and went on for pages and pages. The respondents are male, female, gay, straight, young, old, never-married, divorced, widowed, remarried. Some were captivated enough by the question that they sent it around to their own friends and relatives and forwarded the replies. Here are some notable excerpts:
My absolute favorite thing is the feeling of trust implicit in all things: actions, words, thoughts. No games, no wondering what the other is really thinking, no holding back. Just trust.
-- Jennifer, 60
We enjoy each other's company so much, it's fun to do things together. We make each other laugh and have interesting talks. There is a deep connection between us and we can freely share our feelings. When there is an issue between us we are both willing to discuss it and work it out to a harmonious conclusion. We accept each other's faults and help each other to grow as people. We are affectionate and have great sex. We admire and respect one another. We are each other's true love.
-- Gabrielle, 54
I am 80, my wife is 81. We married when I was 19, just out of the Navy. After 60 years together, the sex is still probably my favorite thing. And the trust you build after all that time. We’ve stayed together so long because I’m good at saying, “Yes, dear” no matter how wrong she is. We also don’t spend 24 hours a day together. Lots of time apart so the homecomings are special.
-- Eric, 80
My favorite thing is having a true friend; also making someone feel happy and good about themselves.
-- Tasha, 28
I’ve had one phenomenal relationship: a 12-year marriage that got better each year. It was a dream come true after two failed marriages. The absolute best thing was the peace and utter contentment. We had ups and downs from the outside world, but for the most part, between us, everything was just so darn easy and right. He helped me grow and be a better me. He was a lover, a husband, a best friend, a father to my daughter, a son-in-law to my parents. There was mutual respect and integrity. We took turns leaning on each other. Although we were different people with different interests, we just fit together so well as woman and man.
I remember him telling me as he was dying that our years together were the best of his life and he didn’t regret anything; for me to go on with my life after he was gone and to be happy. I was 48 and he was 53. To this day I feel blessed to have known him.
-- Jillian, 59
The feeling of security.
-- Christopher, 43
Having somebody with whom to share the most mundane details of life: shopping for groceries, cleaning up the house, etc. Every little chore becomes a chance to spend quality time together.
-- Mary Jane, 39
Knowing that there is one other person in the world who truly cares about me, truly is interested and watches out for me. The world is so big and so uncaring and everyone is caught up in their own problems. We need that one person who is looking out for us -- the old buddy system -- so we don't get lost and left alone in the world.
-- Linda, 47
Romance! Can’t live without it!
-- David, 74
I love the level of comfort and trust we've built up over the years (and all the in-jokes no one else really gets!)
-- Roz, 28
After twenty years together, being with someone who knows where I have been as a person, where I am now and where I want to go.
-- Betty, 48
The stability that I get from it. Just a deep, abiding sense that no matter what else happens in life, my wife is there for me and she has my back.
-- John, 38
Having someone to share things with -- things that touch me deeply, are my favorite, etc. You know -- vacations, dinners, movies, the zoo, that art museum, the puzzle I like, <insert activity here>. Definitely.
-- Beth, 29
My absolute favorite thing is the balance my partner and I have. I'm a little more high strung and emotional than he is (okay, a lot more), he's the rational, scientific type. We have different tastes in music, movies, T.V. and he NEVER cracks open a book. Despite these differences, we find common ground in a lot of things I know I never would have thought I'd have an interest in. He's introduced me to hockey, Corvair cars, and Billy Joel; I've introduced him to soaps, indie movies, and Reba!
-- Michael, 34
I was in a committed relationship (I should have been committed for being in it at all) for 23 years, but not happily in love. On our way to get married I was talking about the fact that I didn't trust him. NOW, after being very happily in love and remarried for a few years, I can honestly say that being with someone I can trust completely is my favorite thing.
-- Susan, 56
Feeling admired, special and wanted.
-- Sarah, 30
That warming, cozy, comforting feeling where and when you know there's a person who cares as much for you as you do for them and each of you sincerely enjoys loving and doing for the other one.
-- Bob, 68
Having someone with whom I can share my happy news, and having someone nearby who will listen to my bad news and hug away my tears. The sex is good, too.
-- Deni, 65
Reaching your personal/professional goals together, while encouraging each other every step of the way.
-- Keisha, 32
The peace it brings.
-- Lili, 66
My favorite thing is the comfort and support I feel in knowing someone understands all of my strengths and passions as well as my weaknesses and insecurities and, given this understanding, chooses to share life with me. With the public and even with friends I am always mindful about expressing ideas, a self-imposed censorship which comes from a feeling of not wanting to offend. There is not anything that I feel I cannot share with my husband.
-- Marie, 53
The 'butterfly feeling' you get every time you see him smile at you or flirt with you.
-- Diana, 26
Knowing that I still, after nearly 18 years of marriage, find him the most interesting, funniest bed company in the world.
-- Cherie, 45
Being needed and at the same time fulfilling the needs of another. The needs I speak of are of the heart and soul. Each of us has different desires but we all have the same need: to have someone who would give you their soul, their love, their everything. And to be able to give that in return is the most remarkable thing about being in love and will give you nothing but happiness. What an experience.
-- Walt, 44
Simply being with him.
-- Manon, 37
As for me, Margo Z? My favorite thing is the knowledge that I get to be my whole self with Josh – the good and the bad, the sane and the loopy -- and getting the emotional feedback in return that no matter what, “it’s all good.” It’s rare to find another human being who will accept and love you exactly the way you are. When you find that person, hold on tight! And be sure and return the favor.