Why Plan to Fail?

Posted by:  Ed Young
Topic: Pre-nups – are you in favor or opposed? What do they say about love in today’s world?

Marriage is much like a business deal that requires thorough investigation and understanding before entering into the contract.  Oh, I’m sorry.  It really isn’t a contract.  It is a covenant before God which is much more serious than any business deal.  Yes, there needs to be investigation into the potential mate’s background and motive but this is why a generous amount of dating time is important. I guess if you don’t get this and think that your marriage is nothing more than a piece of paper with a few strings attached you’re likely to enter into it expecting it to fail.  If failure is the expectation, then prenuptials are a must.

I feel strongly that the time given to the relationship on the front end of the wedding runner will help prevent the need for prenups on the back end.  Also, there has to be a great feel for what your friends think about your relationship.  I have friends in my life, including family, that have my best interest in mind and are quick to let me know if there are red flags flying in my life.  If you’re considering prenups because of concern over the character and motive of your fiancée, then why are you thinking of giving yourself physically and emotionally to this person?  I would be more concerned over this than the potential financial fallout.

Now let’s assume that there are no suspicions and you want prenups just to be safe in case things go south later on. Again, I have to ask why you are planning for failure?  If you just value the money and savings more than your heart, body and emotional well being, then by all means pursue the prenup.

Comments

[Steve]

I really must object to your comment, "It is a covenant before God". This is highly subjective to say the least since there is absolutely no empirical evidence of the existence of "god", even assuming we could agree on which one you're even referring to. Further more, do 'civil weddings' ring any bells? No aspect of religion poking its conceited and sanctimonious nose into those proceedings is there? Please try to be helpful AND objective and try to eliminate superstitious nonsense from your posts. Thanks.

[Joy]

Steve, I think the point of this forum is that these 5 experts come from vastly differing backgrounds and beliefs. Ed happens to be a pastor; I'd think it'd be very strange for him not to express his views without bringing God into it. Just like it'd be strange for Dan to express his opinions but forget about being gay, to expect Helen to forget scientific or anthropological theory, or to expect Greg and Amiira to represent themselves as single and not married. One thing I value in all these discussions is this diversity because in very few places is there actual dialogue between such varying beliefs/views of the world.

[Aoko]

I agree with this, Ed - prenups seem to carry with them the preconception that marriages are made to go under. I guess that would make people work less at keeping the covenant intact and sacred - "Oh, forget you, I'll have the house, it's on the prenup."

Again, absolutely right about the character/trustworthiness of a partner. If you are not sure that he or she does not intend to walk out on you, WHYYYYY, pray tell, are you together in the first place? You don't even know each other!

@ Steve: There actually happens to be a God. The one that Ed refers to is the True and Living One. I respect the experts on this forum, but God's plan works better than what any "expert" will tell you. If I hand-wash a top that says "Dry Clean Only," I will ruin it. I should obey the manufacturer's instructions. God made us. As our Manufacturer, His say makes the only sense. Anyone who breaks covenants will have Him to answer to... and how tragic, because it is a fearful thing to fall into the hands of the Living God, Who also happens to be a Consuming Fire. I promise, this is not superstition.

[Steve]

Joy, I take your point but not all marriages have a religious aspect. Therefore Mr. Young's blanket statement that marriages are a covenant before "God" is inaccurate, misleading and seeks to prey on people's fear of displeasing "God" should they enter into with financial pre-conditions. Imagine my shock at a pastor being misleading and religion preying on people's fears. Whatever next? ;-)

Unless of course Mr. Young believes every marriage is just such a covenant irrespective of whether the individuals concerned recognize it or not. But wouldn't that be incredibly condescending? Speaking of condescending, full marks to Aoko for once again proving the point that people of 'faith' consistently assume they're right and everyone else who has a different view is wrong. Aoko, you can choose to believe what you like. It makes no difference to me. But like I said, in the absence of empirical evidence, I choose to believe in fact and science. As someone of 'faith', it's a pity you don't exhibit more tolerance. Isn't that supposed to be a Christian virtue? Does your apparent lack of it now make you a sinner and condemn you to a fire filled eternity? Is that the rule now? Hahahahaha.

[Kristen]

I don’t believe many of us go into marriage thinking; “When I get divorced…” Pastor Young talks about taking the time to really get to know the person you are considering spending your life with. And that’s the crux of it, isn’t it? The person you want to spend the rest of your life with. That’s what a marriage is about. Isn’t that “until death do us part” thing part of most ceremonies? If that is not in your plans, then why are you marrying? Spiritual and religious convictions aside, if your spouse to be gives you pause to think about money and assets first, perhaps you haven’t truly found Mr. or Ms. Right?

Read the rest of my comment at: http://blog.myweddinghero.com/2007/06/28/a-prenup-for-post-wedded-bliss/