"Love always wins."
Posted by: Dr. Helen Fisher
Topic: You're attracted to a very good friend's ex--now what?
“Love always wins,” it has been said. It doesn’t always win, of course. But romantic love is among the most powerful brain circuits that Homo sapiens has evolved. People sing for love, pray for love, live for love, kill for love and die for love. So if Cupid has driven you to fall in love with your best friend’s Ex, well, you have a problem. How big a problem depends on a LOT of things. If your best friend ditched the Ex, you’re probably fine. Your friend might even be pleased that you are taking their former partner off their hands. But if your best friend’s Ex dumped your best friend, you are in for big trouble. Because no matter how compassionately you break the news that you are attracted to this person, your best friend is likely to feel abandoned and betrayed. But whatever the situation is, we are built to love. Passionate romantic love evolved to drive us to begin the mating process and thus spread our seed into tomorrow. And even a close friendship often can’t stop this mighty power. So the best you can do is be honest about your feelings, and hope that in the chaos that ensues, you don’t lose both of them. As Shakespeare said, “Friendship is constant in all other things, Save in the office and affairs of love.” Nature has her priorities. So love (almost) always wins.
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Posted by: abdolla | June 21, 2007 at 07:47 AM
Greetings from Sao Paulo, Brazil!
Love always wins – but what if my love is not reciprocated? And what if the object of my affection is no Mr. Right?
I am experiencing both situations. And, at 44, finding it very hard to deal with the associated suffering: Low self-esteem, anxiety, and swift changes between depression and euphoria.
I understand SSRIs, by suppressing dopamine, makes it harder to fall in love. But I want to stay in the love game – just out of the current object of my affection.
Will love ever win here?
Posted by: Lucia B Lamberti | June 21, 2007 at 08:14 PM
I advocate more kissing.
Posted by: poetryman69 | November 18, 2007 at 03:34 PM