When Me is Not Enough

Posted by:  Wendy Shalit   
Topic:  Soul mates, take two

I feel that I learned from everyone's posts this week but I was particularly interested in Greg's point about being your own soul mate ("I Complete Me").  And, not to put anyone on the spot, but I noticed that this blog was not co-written by Amiira, so it did make me wonder: Is there a difference between how women and men view the search for a soul mate? 

I certainly agree with Greg that you have to know who you are before you can find your match.  But at the same time, there is a certain incompleteness and, yes, dependency we all have as human beings.  Rather than pretending we are "complete" by ourselves I think we're better off admitting this vulnerability, and using it to connect with others.

James Taranto from the Wall Street Journal highlighted the limits of being your own soul mate in his amusing poem, "Ode to Myself" (originally written in 1994, reprinted here with permission):

    It started when I was a child
    I took a mirror from the shelf
    I gazed at my reflection
    And exclaimed: "My God! I love myself!"

    I wooed myself with roses
    And I wrote me sentimental letters
    I found my love kept right on growing
    As I got to know me better

    I shared my first apartment
    With myself; my parents disapproved
    They said I was too young
    For a commitment, but I was unmoved

    My love for me's sincerely felt
    Not superficial, false, or forced
    But all the same, it's practical--
    I won't be widowed or divorced

    Oh, I get angry now and then
    Myself and me will start to fight
    But always I make peace with me
    Before I go to bed at night

    Some people, when they're by themselves
    They get so lonely they could cry
    Not me--I find companionship
    And comfort with myself and I

The poem is hilarious, but I think it also really captures something.  Stop and think for a moment about a world in which people truly were self-sufficient and felt "complete" without others.  Would it be idyllic or would it be a nightmare?

Nobody would need anybody, true, but neither could anybody give to anyone. So is the idea of a soul mate, as Greg says, a "man-made idea"? He could be right--there's no way of knowing for sure.  But I think it could also be the opposite, that God designed us to feel like we're "missing something," to enable us to reach out to others. 

Just a thought.  Hope everyone enjoys the long weekend!